So, I've neglected this blog for almost a year (shame on me!), but now I'm back since there are things actually happening in my life!
Back in March, I was promoted to Assistant Store Manager at my bookstore. As of yesterday, I am now the Store Manager! Holy cow!! I am excited and nervous and proud all at once.
Tonight I am getting a road bike!
In a little over a week, I will be running in my first 5k!
SO MANY THINGS!!! (which all require exclamation points)
The thing that I really want to talk about is my new-found love of athletics. Back in January, I had my yearly lady check-up. I decided to weigh myself before I went so there would be no surprises (also, they always give it to you in kilos, which I never remember how to convert, and by the time I get home, I've forgotten about it). A whopping 208 pounds!!
I have never been a skinny girl. As a child I was normal, but when I hit puberty, I got thick. From then on, I have had a horrible, terrible, nasty, mean relationship with my body. Not only was I never very athletic, but I would yo-yo around on diets. The guilt I would feel over food was tremendous, and I would stand in front of the mirror and just rip on myself. Kids in high school would say mean things, things that still rattle around in my head to this day. When I went to college, I started to do a bit of running for my PE class. After I became severely depressed, I moved back home and the running stopped. Since then, it's been more yo-yo dieting and more yo-yo exercising. I wanted to change my body, but I couldn't seem to commit.
Well, after that weigh-in in January, I said, "No mas." I cut out soda completely. I started doing workout DVDs, then using the apartment fitness center, then jogging outside in the park. The more I ran, the more I loved it. I use My Fitness Pal to track my exercise and nutrition (it's free and it's awesome!). I decided to develop a healthy relationship with food, meaning that I started to view food as nourishment and not the enemy. I allowed myself to have treats and crappy days, as long as the majority of the time I was eating well. The most important thing was tracking what I ate. I started to see patterns, like if I didn't eat breakfast I would binge later in the day. I also finally realized how much I was eating.
In March for my birthday, Randall and my family all pitched in and bought me a mountain bike (a real one, not a Kmart one), and that opened up a whole new world for me. I became obsessed with cycling (in a good way). If you want, cycling can be a minimal investment. All you need is a good bike and a helmet. Or you can be me and be a crazy person. The more I cycled, the more I appreciated the gear--shorts with padding are a must, cycling jerseys have a bajillion pockets for a reason, and the right shoes will improve your ride tenfold. Did I invest in cycling? Hell yes. But I was also investing in me, in something I was passionate about, in my health. And now I'm getting a road bike. I want to commute to work more, to do group rides, maybe even someday a little triathlon.
I liked seeing the scale go down each week, but it became less about the weight and more about what I could accomplish--running a mile, cycling longer and faster. Do I still want to lose more weight? Hell yes. But I'm enjoying testing and pushing myself. I like that I can say I'm an athlete more than I would like to say I'm a certain size.
I am now down 20.4 pounds, to 187.6. My goal is 165 pounds, and someday, I'll get there. This is a process, a long, hard process. As my boss likes to say, "Diamonds aren't made in the mud." So get unstuck and put yourself under some pressure.
